The Many Classes of Yarn Hoarders (A Completely Unofficial Field Guide)

At some point in your fiber journey, you stop buying yarn and start acquiring yarn. This is not a failure of self-control…it’s a natural progression. Like leveling up. Or accidentally unlocking a cursed inventory expansion.

Yarn hoarders are not a monolith. We are a rich and varied ecosystem, each with our own habits, justifications, and deeply held lies. Let’s meet a few of them.

1. The “I Have a Plan” Hoarder

(They do not, in fact, have a plan.)

This hoarder can tell you exactly what every skein is for.

“Oh this? That’s for a shawl I’m designing.”
“That’s earmarked for a gift.”
“Those six bags are for a blanket I’m definitely starting next month.”

Ask them which pattern, when they’re starting, or where the gauge swatch is, and you’ll see the thousand-yard stare of someone who has said this lie for years.

Plans are theoretical. Yarn is real.

2. The Clearance Goblin

They cannot resist a sale. Full stop.

They do not care if the fiber content is cursed. They do not care if the colorway is “industrial mustard.” They do not care if it requires needles they do not own and a pattern that does not exist.

It was 75% off. It would have been irresponsible not to buy it.

Their stash contains yarn purchased purely on the basis of price, vibes, and spite.

3. The Sentimental Hoarder

This yarn has a story.

This skein was bought on vacation.
That one was gifted by a friend who no longer crochets.
This yarn is discontinued and therefore sacred.
This yarn reminds them of their grandma, who would be deeply concerned about how much yarn they own now.

They will never use it.
They will never get rid of it.
It lives in the stash as an emotional support artifact.

4. The Colorway Dragon

This hoarder collects colors, not yarn.

They will buy the same base yarn in twelve colorways “just in case.” They own gradients so beautiful they have never been wound, let alone swatched. Their stash is arranged like a very expensive paint store.

They frequently say things like:

“I just love how this one transitions.”
“This would be perfect for something.”

They do not know what that something is, but they are right.

5. The Apocalypse Prepper (This is totally me…)

This hoarder is ready.

If yarn production halted tomorrow, if the internet collapsed, if patterns were lost to time…this person could crochet calmly through the end of civilization.

They have sweater quantities. They have backup sweater quantities. They have yarn they bought because “what if they stop making wool.”

Their stash is not excessive. It is strategic.

6. The “This Is Still a Hobby” Hoarder

They insist they are not a yarn hoarder.

They simply:

• Buy yarn faster than they crochet

• Need options

• Deserve little treats

• Are supporting small businesses

• Might want to design something someday

They do not track yardage. They do not want to know the number. They will be deeply offended if you suggest counting.

Ignorance is bliss. Bliss is soft and squishy and stored in bins.

7. The Chaos Stasher (This is also me…)

There is no system.

Yarn lives in totes, closets, bags, boxes, drawers, and at least one place they forgot about entirely. They occasionally rediscover yarn like it’s an archaeological find.

“Oh! I forgot I had this!”

This sentence is spoken with joy, fear, and mild shame.

Final Notes from the Field

Every yarn hoarder is actually several of these at once. The same person can be a Colorway Dragon, a Clearance Goblin, and a Sentimental Hoarder depending on the day and the lighting in the yarn shop.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “Wow, I feel personally attacked!” Congratulations. You’re among friends & huskies!

Now go pet your stash. It’s earned it.